I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
