the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
