What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
