So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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