susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
