What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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