my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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