Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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