is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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