I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
