What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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