Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
