This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
