Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
