I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
