Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
