some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
