he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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