peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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