Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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