My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just found puke in my bra..
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
