He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
