Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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