White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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