I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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