just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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