I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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