what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
