i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
