Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
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My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
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If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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