My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
