i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
