i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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