I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
