i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
