Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
