I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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