He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
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We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
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The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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