another moral hangover. fuck.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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