My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
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