You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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