No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
