I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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