Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
