So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
