How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
