dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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