I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
