I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
