he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
