I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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