I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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