i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
