I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
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Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
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He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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