I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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