How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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