Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize