Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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