We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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