allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
