Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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