I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The struggles of a small town man whore
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now