You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me