How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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