at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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