I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
