Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
