matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
