I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
