I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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