alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
