The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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